


The Matchmaker

by strawberry_pills



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Humor, No beta we die like horcruxes, POV Draco Malfoy, Slight fluff and smut if you squint hard enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:15:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29389689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberry_pills/pseuds/strawberry_pills
Summary: Intelligent, mature, and isn't in a hurry to start a family. Those are the things that Hermione Granger wants in a lover. Draco Malfoy has the perfect candidate in mind.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Lucius Malfoy
Comments: 22
Kudos: 104
Collections: Strictly Lumione Valentines Fest 2021





	The Matchmaker

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the STRICTLY LUMIONE VALENTINE’S FEST 2021 on Facebook. This is my first time participating in such an event.
> 
> (My return home flight got delayed for a few hours so I decided to give this a chance. I didn't know if I was going to make it since the deadline was also only a few hours away but fortunately, I did. Also, I wrote this on my phone so assume there are going to be a lot of errors. I'll try to edit this once I got home.)
> 
> Prompts I used are:  
> -“Stop waking me up in the middle of the night."  
> -“Put some clothes on, for the love of Merlin!”  
> -“I think I felt an emotion.”  
> -“You smile like an idiot when you’re talking to her.”

“The water feels nice,” Ginny said as she dipped a foot into the pool before diving headfirst. There was a splash followed by large ripples forming where she disappeared underneath the water.

“Of course, it is,” Draco drawled from the other side. He was on his back floating aimlessly, sunglasses perched on his aquiline nose even though they were indoors. “The pool is charmed to stay that way although the temperature can be altered.”

Ginny then broke the surface a few seconds later and swam back to the side where Potter was sitting, feet dangled over the edge. He was holding a glass of beer which she expertly plucked from his hand. Not a drop spilled on the pool as she took a few gulps. “Thank you,” she murmured before handing the glass back to him. Potter raked his free hand through her damp hair in acknowledgment.

“The pool parties you hosted must’ve been the stuff of the legends,” Weaselby said in between bites of chips. Granger had to stifle a grimace as a few crumbs fell into the water.

“Ron, could you not eat near the water? Some of us would like to swim without something sticking to our bodies,” she waved a hand in his direction and vanished the floating bits of chips.

“It’s not as if you’re going to swim,” Weaselby mumbled. He then stood and went to the end of the room where a table of snacks was placed. He then came back carrying a glass of beer instead and plopped down beside Potter. “Honestly, Hermione. Can’t you even put that book down for half an hour?”

Hermione, who was lying on her back in a chaise lounge, flipped another page from a book she was reading. “I will. I just got to finish this part where…” she trailed off.

Potter and Ginny chuckled while Weaselby muttered something under his breath. Draco lifted his sunglasses and placed them on his forehead. He cast a glance in the direction of his friends and subtly watched their interactions.

It had been five years since the final battle and Draco had no idea how he ended up friends with this lot. One moment he was avoiding them like the plague when he returned to Hogwarts for his final year, the next he was sitting inside the Burrow for a little graduation party. 

He supposed it started when Potter testified in his trial, sparing him and his parents the trip to Azkaban although his father was placed on a three-year house arrest. After that, he started running into Ginny and Granger, who came back to Hogwarts to finish her NEWTS. Draco remembered being partnered with Ginny in Divination because Granger dropped the subject in favor of Transfiguration, a subject he well avoided after being turned into a ferret by the fake Alastor Moody during his fourth year.

A friendship formed that year and when graduation came, he was invited by Molly Weasley for a little graduation party in the Burrow. He didn’t want to attend, really, but the Weasley matriarch wouldn’t take no for an answer so he squared his shoulders and expected for the worst to come.

Except nothing untoward happened. They all welcomed him like he was an old friend who disappeared for a decade and finally decided to show up. Well, there were a few barbs from Weaselby and the other surviving half of the twin but other than that, the party was immensely pleasant.

Draco couldn’t help but smile at the memory of coming home from the party and seeing his father relentlessly pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace.

_“I thought something happened to you,” Lucius Malfoy said, his brows knitted in confusion. “I trust the party went well?”_

_“It was good,” Draco replied with a shrug. He made his excuses then went to his bedroom to change._

The first two years with his father were awkward, to say the least, especially when Lucius had turned into an alcoholic even after the war. By the final year, Narcissa had demanded a divorce which shocked the entire wizarding community particularly Draco. Both his parents assured him that it was for the best and it was a long time coming anyway but it was probably the final nail in the coffin or the final glass of illusion that shattered his perception of his family.

He still loved his father and Draco could see that Lucius had changed somewhat after the war and the divorce. A testament to that was his civil interactions with Granger whenever she was inside the Manor (it was probably because he was guilty of what happened to Granger here in his home but feeling guilt was a good sign, right?). But ever since his three-year house arrest was over, Draco became slightly worried about his father. Yes, Lucius had stopped drinking like a starved man in a desert but what replaced his hobby was slightly worse.

Draco had guessed that, maybe, his father was enjoying his bachelorhood now that he was single and there was nothing wrong with it. He had his fair share of one-night stands now and then as well but his father was taking it to the next level. A different woman always left the Manor. _Every. Single. Night._

His father never discriminated. Brunettes, blondes, redheads. They all came with him during the night and left immediately early in the morning. Draco had confronted those women during the first three weeks but eventually got tired of his father’s behavior when the same woman never came back. _As long as he didn’t get them pregnant,_ he reasoned. He still wanted siblings, sure, but having golddiggers as stepmoms are a big no, no. He’d rather have Granger as his stepmom rather than a woman he didn’t know.

_Speaking of the swot…_

“Aren’t you even going to dip a toe in the water? What’s the point of even coming here if you’re not gonna swim?” he heard Weaselby insisted.

“Ron, you and I both know that Hermione only comes here for Malfoy’s library,” Ginny snickered. “I tried to set her up on dates but I got hexed in return. I nearly lost all of my hair.”

“I’m here, you know,” Granger muttered then flashed Ginny a glare. “The boys you have set me up with were all horrible, Gin. One of them even tried to grope me in public.”

“I don’t even want to know what happened to the poor bloke,” Harry said before taking a sip of his beer. “I don’t want to be complicit in a murder.”

“Keep talking, Harry, and you’ll be the murdered one next,” Granger snapped. “And you!” she jerked a finger in Ginny’s direction. “No more dates or I swear to Merlin and Circe above I’ll turn your hair and eyebrows green!”

Draco couldn’t help the snort coming out of him. “Green is a lovely color, Granger.”

“Says the consummate Slytherin,” she retorted.

“Au contraire, my father _is_ the consummate Slytherin,” he quipped. “If you’ve only seen his bedroom.”

Draco didn’t notice the blush that had spread across her cheeks.

“I don’t need the mental image, Ferret,” Ginny groaned before sinking deep into the water. A few seconds later, she emerged again then hauled herself off the pool. “Seriously, Hermione. It’s been a long while since you and Ron here broke up and even he had moved on already although I don’t approve of his choice of a girlfriend.”

“Hey! Pansy is a nice girl!”

“Do you have any comment on that Malfoy?” but Draco only waved his hand noncommittally and continued to float aimlessly around the pool although Ginny took it as an affirmative. “His silence says it all.”

“Anyway,” Potter interjected before things escalated between the siblings. “The reason why Hermione isn’t dating is that she is too picky.”

“Am not! You take that back, Harry James Potter!”

Potter merely raised an eyebrow in challenge. “Really? Every single time a wizard shows an interest in you, you always find a flaw in them no matter how small and inconsequential it is.”

“It’s not inconsequential! Are you telling me you don’t find Cormac’s arrogance off-putting?”

“Well, Cormac’s an exception. But what about Oliver Wood? Blaise Zabini?”

“Oliver? I might as well date Ron again. The guy talks about Quidditch all the bloody time—no offense Ron. As for Blaise, he’s good looking, intelligent too and I really liked him but the problem is…” she took a deep breath before glaring at Potter. “The guy is allergic to commitment! He only wanted a no-strings-attached sexual relationship!”

“Well, what is your type?” Draco couldn’t help but butt in the conversation. Granger’s nonexistent love life was such an amusing topic.

“It has to be someone who is also bookish like her,” Weaselby mumbled in between bites of chips.

“Someone academically intelligent, yes,” Granger corrected. “We don’t have to share the same interest. I’ve always welcomed new, unexplored topics. And I want a man, not a boy. I want someone mature and with ambition, someone who has bigger goals in life. Someone who understands that I want to focus on my career first, that I don’t want to start a family yet. As for physical traits, I’m not that _picky_. As long as he’s well-groomed.”

“Hermione,” Ginny began. “The man you’re describing is impossible.”

“How so?”

“The only person I could think of that is closest to what you have described is the late professor.”

“Professor Snape?!” Potter squeaked. “How did you even come up with that conclusion?”

“Think about it, love,” Ginny patted Potter’s hair affectionately that nearly made Draco vomit on the pool. “Hermione wants a man and not a boy. Someone mature. Meaning, the guy has to be older than us. Can you honestly call the guys our age mature? Second, she wants someone who doesn’t want to start a family yet but most older guys are already married. Single older men are much harder to find than Horcruxes, I’d bet. The only other options are men that are widowed or divorced men who already had a child of their own so they’re not looking to start another one but I don’t think Hermione wants to be a stepmother.”

“And what about the last part? The well-groomed part?”

Ginny grimaced. “That’s why I said ‘the closest’ and not the exact.”

“Hey! You’re talking about my godfather there!” Draco protested, raising his head to glare at the female Weasley. He nearly turned over and lost his balance at the movement.

“Sorry!” Ginny raised both her hands placatingly. “But Ferret, you have to admit that I made some points.”

Draco only harrumphed in return and proceeded to float towards the middle of the pool, tuning out his Gryffindor friends. Weaselette made some points there, he had to concede but that didn’t mean he had to like it. Surely there had to be others? Draco mentally listed all the older, single, intelligent men he knew but he came up short. The other person that matched her description (aside from his godfather) was also dead and Draco preferred that person to stay dead for the sake of the entire magical population. Voldemort, while ticking all the boxes, would probably castrate himself rather than become Granger’s lover.

_The only other options are men that are widowed or **divorced**. _

The last word echoed inside his brain like a gong being hit inside an empty, spacious temple. As if a bolt of lightning had struck him in the head, Draco’s brain suddenly went haywire with an idea. A ridiculous idea but something that would ultimately solve one of his current dilemmas.

 _Someone academically intelligent, yes._ The person he had in mind was definitely smart. Half of the Malfoy library’s contents were this person’s own collection.

 _Someone who understands that I want to focus on my career first, that I don’t want to start a family yet._ Oh, this person wasn’t in a hurry to start a family seeing as he already had one. Draco was sure about that.

 _I’m not that picky. As long as he’s well-groomed._ Well-groomed would be an understatement to that. Draco thought that vanity was this person’s biggest sin (bigger than Muggle genocide was still up for debate).

Draco lowered his sunglasses back to his eyes and stared at the Venetian high ceiling of their indoor pool room. There were still two weeks before Valentine’s Day. Two weeks to plan it all out. But first, he had to consider if he liked the notion of his father dating someone the same age as him. Someone who he had come to consider as a friend.

Glancing at Granger who still had her nose buried in a book, Draco recalled his earlier thought. _He’d rather have Granger as his stepmom rather than a woman he didn’t know._ Somehow, the idea didn’t make him vomit or explode into tiny pieces. In fact, he kind of actually wanted it, having Granger as a family member. As long as she didn’t make him call her _mum_.

There was also the possibility that their relationship might not last long or it might not even work in the first place but Draco would cross that bridge when he got there. For now, he had some matchmaking to do. He wondered where was his father right now.

As if the heavens were taking pity on him, the doors suddenly burst open and his father sauntered inside like a Roman emperor about to declare a war. _Couldn’t he be less dramatic?_ Draco now surely lost his balance and sunk entirely down the pool. He flailed his arms ungracefully in an attempt to stand upright and the loss of dignity in front of his father was something Draco would mourn later when he was all alone in his room. 

“Father,” he greeted after spitting out a small amount of water. “What brings you here?”

“Your mother floo called minutes ago. She wants you to know that she’ll be spending the next two weeks in Palermo. She’ll see you in the following week.”

“Oh,” Draco suddenly remembered that he had promised his mother he would visit her this weekend. He wondered about why the sudden change in plans. “Uhm, is there anything else?”

His father narrowed his eyes at him and Draco wanted to stay underwater for the rest of his life. “Tell your mother I’m not her errand boy. Next time, make sure she tells you herself.”

“Yes, father,” he said meekly. No matter how old he was, Draco was still intimidated by his father. It was something he couldn’t seem to outgrow.

“Hello, Mr. Malfoy,” Ginny waved from the side. Potter and Weaselby also nodded their heads in greeting.

“Miss Weasley, Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley,” Lucius then turned to the other girl in the room. The _possible_ future Mrs. Malfoy if Draco had a say in it (he did). “Miss Granger.”

“Good day, Mr. Malfoy. Thank you for allowing me to borrow the book.” Granger raised the said book in his direction.

“I trust you find it… educational?” Draco’s father raised an eyebrow at her.

“Definitely,” she replied before ducking back to her book.

Draco watched the small interaction like a hawk and it only solidified the idea that these two were made for each other. Apart from Ginny (because let’s face it, that woman wasn’t afraid of anything), Granger didn’t seem to cower when she was in his father’s presence. His father might even learn a thing or two from her. He contemplated shoving them in an isolated room until something happened or making them drink amortentia. It was crazy but it was better than seeing his father take home a different woman every night and hear Ginny whine about Granger’s lack of love life. 

His ideas graduated to more violent attempts, those that will probably earn him a stay for a month or two in Azkaban (the kind that will make his mother faint and get his ass shipped to France), and he knew it.

This called for some good ol’ fashioned matchmaking, or at least his lazy, half-assed version of it.

* * *

It was harder than Draco thought it would be.

His plan of action was already set in motion but now it seemed to be backpedaling. Hence, why Lucius Malfoy was currently AWOL and was probably out there somewhere seducing other women like he always did when he told his son that he was going out for a “stroll” while Granger was holed up in her flat, as usual, buried under a mountain of books borrowed from the Malfoy library. Draco was tempted to tell her to just marry his father so she wouldn’t have to keep borrowing books every day.

Sighing, he raked his fingers through his hair and thought about the two people he was trying to set up together.

Okay, so technically the first principle of matchmaking entailed a sense of chemistry between both people. Check and double check. Scratch that, _triple check_.

Draco had been observing his father and Granger’s interactions for the past three days and he could positively, absolutely, say for sure that there was a spark there between the two. He might even say that it wasn’t just a spark but rather an explosion of gigantic proportions. Just yesterday, he had witnessed the two of them arguing over Runic translations (something his father was an expert in and Granger wasn’t) and if he didn’t know any better, Draco would assume that it was foreplay before some mind-blowing, earth-shattering sex. He had mentally berated himself later for interrupting what would have been a supposed accomplishment of his matchmaking agenda.

The second tenet required both, or even one person, to acknowledge that there was something there.

 _And therein lies the problem,_ he mused.

Both his father and Granger were stubborn people by nature. A little nudge in the right direction wouldn’t work and Draco was tempted to pull the hippogriff by its beak, so to speak (he had learned his lesson not to mess with hippogriffs literally). Making them drink amortentia and shove them inside a broom closet for an entire day was out of the question. He wanted it to feel as natural as possible (and he also didn’t want to follow Voldemort to the grave, thank you very much).

So, what to do?

It was how Draco ended up in front of Grimmauld Place in the middle of the night, pounding mercilessly against the ancient-looking door. If he wanted to succeed in this endeavor, he needed all the help he could get.

Luckily for him, the person he had in mind had answered the door immediately. An angry, bedraggled Ginny was what greeted him.

“Bloody hell, Malfoy! If I had my wand here, I would’ve hexed you to Hades and beyond. I told you to stop waking me up in the middle of the night!”

Draco looked affronted. “Since when did I wake you up in the middle of the night?”

The redhead glared at the blond. “Do you really want me to list it all?”

“Look I’m sorry, but this is an emergency!” he pleaded. “Can I at least come inside to explain?”

Ginny looked at him from head to toe before releasing a deep sigh. She opened the door wider, gesturing for Draco to follow her. Her butt wasn’t even touching the couch when Draco started going off, talking at a rapid speed that was faster than Harry on a broomstick.

“Malfoy, let me get this straight. You want me to help you set up Hermione and your father together? As in together, together?” Draco nodded his head vigorously. “Why?”

“I just told you why!”

“But why Hermione of all people? Aren’t you Malfoys still hung up on that blood purity thing?”

Draco rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I’ve changed, okay? You know that. Potter knows that and so does Granger. My father has changed as well. He isn’t pretending. It took him a while to get his head out of his ass but he’s changed.”

“Still, I don’t think your father has changed enough to want to marry a Muggleborn.”

“That’s why I need your help to make him see that. Granger’s an incredible woman and I’m sure she won’t be in a relationship with my father just for his money and sta—no, don’t tell her I said that!—and it doesn’t have to end in marriage. Granger doesn’t want to start a family yet and I don’t think my father does too. I just want him to stop philandering around and accidentally get someone pregnant.”

Ginny stared at him for a moment. “You’re really invested in this, are you?”

“I guess I am since I’m here enlisting your help,” Draco shrugged.

“Hey, watch it. I’m still thinking about helping you,” she got up and started pacing in front of Draco. “If we’re going to do this, we’re going to need Harry’s help, and… no I don’t think I’ll include Ron in this. He can’t keep his mouth shut.”

Draco felt his shoulders sagged in relief. “Thank you!”

“What’s in this for me?”

“Granger’s happiness?” he smiled prettily at her but Ginny shook her head. “Unlimited access to the pool?”

“I’m going to get unlimited pool access anyway since Hermione is going to end up as Mrs. Malfoy. Let’s face it, ferret. An old-fashioned Pureblood like your dad is going to marry her if what you say is even remotely true. Even if having children is out of the question.”

“So what do you want?”

“Let me think about it first. But for now, I want you to get the hell out and let me go back to sleep. You’re lucky Harry’s a heavy sleeper and I’m the one who answered the door.”

“Fine,” Draco replied gruffly. He got up and headed for the door.

“Oh, and Malfoy,” he turned around to see Ginny standing there looking at him gravely. This was the Ginny Weasley he was afraid of. “If Lucius as so much hurt a single hair strand of Hermione in any way, that’s on you, not him.”

Draco could only nod before leaving.

* * *

“Tell me again what am I doing here in a creepy room upstairs in Leaky Cauldron spying on Malfoy’s dad?”

“You agreed!” Ginny said.

“Technically, I didn’t. You and Malfoy here just told me something about Malfoy Senior and Hermione being good for each other and just dragged me out here to sit and spy on him,” Potter explained in his Auror tone. “By the way, why isn’t Ron in on this?”

“Apparently, according to Ginny, Weaselby can’t keep his mouth shut,” Draco replied.

“Well, that’s true,” Potter admitted. “But that doesn’t explain what we are doing here. You’re even using some of my Auror equipment and if anyone finds out—”

“No one will find out,” Draco assured him.

“The thing about secrets, Malfoy, is that they always come out in the worst possible way.”

“Speaking from experience, Potter?”

“Quiet, you two!” Ginny hissed at the two men before putting on the magically enhanced binoculars back. “I think I see your dad.”

“Let me see! Let me see!” Draco tugged on Ginny’s sleeve like an eager puppy. She handed him the binoculars after a moment. “Where does he keep finding these women? I don’t even recognize any of them. The Pureblood circle is only small and it grew even smaller after the war.”

“Maybe they’re escorts?” Potter suggested as Draco handed the binoculars back to Ginny.

“I don’t think Father is the type to hire one even if he has the money. It would bruise his ego.”

“Yeah, considering a lot of unmarried women we know kept throwing themselves at him hoping for at least one ‘night of passion’. Witch Weekly has been going on every now and then how the women your dad has been seen with were all a mystery,” Ginny rolled her eyes at that. “That’s actually another wrench in the gear. Hermione might view your dad as another Blaise Zabini that’s afraid of commitment.”

“We’ll deal with it when it gets there. If I had to blackmail my father by abdicating my position as the Malfoy heir then so be it.”

“Woah,” Potter sat up straight. “That’s a little extreme, isn’t it? Why are you so desperate to pair them together?”

“You have no idea what it’s like to wake up every morning seeing countless different women come out of your father’s room. There was even that one instance where Father forgot to put up silencing charms around his room. I relocated my bedroom to the east wing after that.”

“And Hermoine? What’s she got to do with this?”

“I just think they’re a good match for each other,” Draco said. “You should’ve seen how he smiles like an idiot when he’s talking to her the other day when he thinks no one is looking.”

“If you’re so sure that your dad has feelings for Hermione, then why is he out here with another woman and not courting her or something?”

“That’s the part that boggles me and that’s the reason why we’re spying on him.”

“Look, they’re entering that restaurant,” Ginny said, eyes still on the binoculars. “The one that serves that Italian dish you and Hermione like.”

“Carpaccio?” Potter asked. “Well, I’m not surprised. They do serve some amazing pasta dishes there as well.”

“But father hates Italian,” Draco said.

“I’m sorry, what?” Ginny blinked at him a few times before she and Potter shared a look. “Did Lucius Malfoy go out of his way just to bed a woman he’ll replace the following day?”

“Now we know where Malfoy here inherited his extremist attitude,” Potter snorted.

“Still, it’s kinda out of character for him,” Ginny mused. “No offense, Malfoy but I don’t think your father has a selfless bone in his body apart from family members.”

“None taken,” Draco waved her off. It was true though.

“So after dinner, your dad and his woman of the day would return to the Manor and spend the entire night shagging like there’s no tomorrow, and come morning the woman will quietly slip away, to be replaced with a different woman. Is that correct?”

“Ugh,” Draco threw his hands in the air. “You don’t have to put it like that. I’m already traumatized from what I have overheard.”

“I’m just getting the facts straight,” Ginny then threw the binoculars on the bed and flopped down beside Potter. “This is going to be a lot of work, you know? You’re lucky I love Hermione like a sister.”

“So what’s the plan?” Potter asked.

“I don’t know. Can’t we just make them take a love potion and lock them inside a room for an entire night?” Ginny shrugged.

“That was my first thought, believe me. But I want it to be natural.”

“Everything about this isn’t natural!” Harry exclaimed. “You two do realize that we’re manipulating our friend and Malfoy’s dad? You two might as well Imperio them.”

Draco scratched the back of his neck. “We’ll just have to wing it then, I guess.”

* * *

By the eighth day, Malfoy found himself in front of Granger’s door.

Most of their subtle attempts ended in failure so Ginny had tasked him to do some reconnaissance first. _Know thy enemy,_ she said. So here he was, knocking on Granger’s door to spend some quality time with the friend he was trying to set up with his father.

Draco heard footsteps on the other side and soon heard Granger’s muffled voice. “Who is it?”

“It’s me, Draco,” he answered. “Let me in, Granger. I think your neighbors are starting to stare at me.”

The door opened showing a slightly disheveled-looking Granger. Her usually wild curls were pulled in a loose bun with a few wavy strands hanging loose.

“No wondering they were staring at you,” she snorted. “You’re not exactly blending with the Muggles, Malfoy.”

Draco only rolled his eyes in response. He can’t exactly help it if wizarding clothes were totally different from Muggle clothes, right?

She gestured for him to come inside and he followed her in, taking in everything he saw in her flat. They passed by a room with a slightly opened door and Draco couldn’t help himself. He stopped to take a peek inside and realized it was a potion’s laboratory, with a cauldron bubbling in the middle of the workspace.

Spying some of the components on the table, Draco noticed it was the ingredients to making a Polyjuice potion.

“Why are you brewing a large batch of Polyjuice potion?”

He noticed Granger twiddling her thumbs. “Oh, that? Uh, Professor Slughorn commissioned me into steadily supplying him with Polyjuice potions years ago. He remembers me successfully brewing one during our second year so he asked me to become some sort of a supplier.”

“Still profiting off from former students, I see.”

“You know how he is,” she smiled at him before eventually turning serious. “What are you doing here, Draco?”

“I was bored,” he lied. “The Manor is so quiet I can hear the sound of my own breathing so I went to Grimmauld Place but Ginny and Potter kicked me out an hour later. Blaise is in Munich right now so you’re kind of the only person I know.”

He hoped to Merlin that his acting skills were as even remotely good as his father so Granger wouldn’t suspect a thing. But judging by the pitying look on her face, he had succeeded.

"Gee, nice to be on the last of your choice of companion," she said sarcastically. “Well, don’t blame me if you also got bored to death here.”

“I won’t,” he promised.

Later that evening, Draco was promptly kicked out of her flat because Granger had some errands to run. He went back to Grimmauld Place where he caught Ginny and Potter snogging on the couch. After a few arguments about his invasion of someone’s privacy, he relayed to them the little things he had learned about Granger. After he had finished, Ginny had started listing off plans they would need to execute.

Draco thought that it was going to be a long week ahead of him.

* * *

In the end, they landed back to shoving the two in a closet. Valentine’s Day was only three days away and Ginny agreed it was the perfect opportunity to set the two up. She ordered Draco to host a Valentine’s Day party at the Manor but only inviting couples, unbeknownst to Granger and his father. Draco even managed to get a date in the form of Astoria Greengrass and it was perfect, really. All Granger and his father had to do were show up.

Unfortunately, they didn’t.

Ginny and Potter had shown up in Granger’s flat to drag their friend to the party but Granger had the misfortune of getting sick that day, hence, she was forced to stay in bed. To make things worse, Draco’s father had also evaded him and was now out of the Manor, probably looking for another woman to shag.

Draco didn’t have the heart to cancel the party since everyone (except the guests of _honor_ ) was already in attendance. He plucked a bottle of champagne that was expected to be opened after a supposedly successful mission and drowned out his sorrows in the corner of the ballroom instead, his date forgotten somewhere.

By the time it was midnight, everyone, saved Ginny, Potter, Weaselby, and Pansy, had already left.

“What on earth is happening with you?” Pansy sighed. “You even left Astoria by herself all night. It’s a Valentine’s Day party, Draco, not Singles for Merlin.”

“Nothing,” he gave her a drunk-addled grin. “I’m peachy keen perfect! My life is perfect!”

Pansy turned to the other three. “Did something happen to him? Did he and Lucius have a fight again?”

Ginny and Potter both shook their heads vehemently while Weaselby merely shrugged in blissful ignorance.

“Everything is fine, Panssss!” Draco said in a sibilant manner. “My father and I are A-okay!” he gave two thumbs up, dropping the empty bottle of champagne on the floor.

“Harry and I will take care of him,” Ginny assured Pansy before giving her a wink. “You and Ron go ahead. I know you have other plans for tonight.”

When Pansy and Weaselby had disappeared through the floo, Draco tried to stand up but ended up falling on his arse on the floor.

“Get it together, Malfoy!” Ginny hissed as she and Potter tried to stand him upright. “Where’s your house-elf?”

“It’s Sunday. It's her day off.”

“Oh,” Ginny looked at Potter, shocked. “I didn’t know you gave your elf a day off.”

“I didn’t. Father did.”

“Lucius Malfoy gave your house-elf a day off?” Potter asked, his brows shooting up and nearly disappearing to his hairline.

“Yep!” Draco popped the ‘p’ loudly. “He even gives the elf monthly wages.”

Both Ginny and Potter’s brows completely disappeared to their hairline at the statement.

“You’re probably right, Malfoy. Maybe Hermione _is_ a good influence on your father.”

“It’s too- _hic_ -late though,” Draco hiccuped. “They probably won’t end up together now. I suck at matchmaking!”

“Oh c’mon,” Potter said. “It’s only Valentine’s Day. We still have lots of opportunities to make them fall in love.”

Ginny looked at Harry like he had sprouted another lightning bolt scar. “You’re really into this?”

“Now that I’ve seen Hermione’s miracles? You bet I am!” Harry puffed his chest out proudly. “I look forward to the day Lucius Malfoy champions one of Hermione’s causes.”

“Okay, loverboy,” Ginny chuckled. “First things first though, we need to help Draco back to his room.”

They tried to drag the Malfoy heir out of the ballroom but they hadn’t even taken ten steps yet when Draco bowed and spilled an entire day’s worth of food consumption on the marbled tiled floor of their ballroom.

“I think I’m just going to sleep here on the floor if you don’t mind,” he moaned.

* * *

Draco woke up to an incessant pounding in his head like someone was forcibly using Legilimency on him. He realized he was on his bed still wearing yesterday’s clothes. He tried to recall the last thing he remembered about last night’s party but he only recalled puking his guts out in front of Potter and Ginny. He even remembered being a horrible date to Astoria last night and made a mental note to send a bouquet of white tulips as an apology. He would make it up to her later in the afternoon when his head wasn’t trying to kill him anymore.

Getting up, he decided that breakfast was the first order of business before taking a bath. His stomach was completely empty from vomiting everything last night and now it was demanding him to eat.

But first… “Mipsy!” he called. The house-elf quietly popped inside his room and looked at Draco expectantly. “Is father at home?”

The elf bobbed its head eagerly. “Master is at home, sir. Master is with the woman again.”

Draco rubbed the heels of his palms across his face. His father had brought another woman at home! _That does it,_ he seethed. _Either he stops this foolishness or I will stop being his son!_

“Thank you, Mipsy. That will be all. I will be down for breakfast shortly after I have a talk with my father.”

Draco bolted out of the room as soon as the elf disappeared. He made his way towards the west wing where his father’s bedroom was. He couldn’t hear anything going on inside and assumed that his father was still sleeping. Smirking, Draco unlocked his father’s door and banged the door open.

He thanked his lucky stars that he hadn’t eaten anything yet because the sight before him would definitely make him puke everything out again.

There on the bed lay Lucius Malfoy, naked as the day he was born and there on top of him, equally naked and wantonly bouncing on his lap with her back to Draco was none other than Hermione Granger, herself.

They were so into what they were doing that they didn’t hear the door slamming against the wall. The wet noises of bodies slapping against each other were in sync alongside Granger and his father’s ragged breathing and Draco stood there frozen, gaping at them like a fish.

“Oh gods!” she cried, palms pressed flatly against his father’s chest as she rocked her hips back and forth. “Fuck, I want to come.”

“Yes,” Lucius breathed, barely audible above the slapping noises. “You feel incredible. So hot and slick and goddamn you’re so tight. I’m gonna cum—”

Whatever he was about to say was cut off when Draco let out an ear-piercing scream followed by Granger who also shrieked at the sight of her friend by the door. She scrambled to get off Lucius’ lap but her lover held on to her hips tightly, letting out a dragged-out moan when she felt him cum inside her. Lucius swore incomprehensible blasphemies as he felt her tighten around his cock.

“D-did you two just…” Draco kept opening and closing his mouth as he thought of what words to say. He then slapped a palm over his eyes to cover the obscene image before him. “Bloody hell, oh my gods, ewww! I think I’m gonna be sick!”

“What the hell are you doing here?” he heard his father barked at him.

“Put some clothes on, for the love of Merlin!” he yelled back. He jerked away when he heard Granger’s voice near him. She was now wearing his father’s undershirt and it fell a few inches above her knee, but Draco could still see her erect nipples poking through the thin fabric.

“What is wrong with you? Barging into someone’s bedroom like that,” Granger hit him in the arm.

“ _What is wrong with me?_ I’m not the one who’s been sneaking around using Polyjuice potion to pretend to be some other woman for years!”

It all finally made sense now. Why his father was so at ease with Granger, her influence on him, the batch of Polyjuice potion Draco had seen at her flat, and the way the elf said, _Master is with the woman again_ realizing that it must’ve seen Granger here every single night she came home with his father.

“It’s none of your business!”

“It is if you two are shagging like a pair of Kneazels in heat inside the Manor!” he snapped. “Oh gods, I want to gouge my eyes out! Oh, the agony!”

“Stop being overdramatic, Draco. It’s not befitting a Malfoy,” his father bit back.

“Uh, pot calling the kettle black?” Granger smirked at Lucius while he merely smiled fondly at her in return.

Draco couldn’t take it anymore so he turned around and bolted out of the room and out of the Manor.

* * *

“It was her the whole time!” Draco stomped all the way through the halls of Grimmauld Place. Potter, Ginny, and Weaselby were sitting at the breakfast table eating when the younger Malfoy arrived. “The women my father had been seeing every night! It was Granger all along disguised under Polyjuice potion!”

“Woah, woah, slow down,” Potter held up a hand. “How did you find out?”

“I walked in on them this morning! Ugh!”

“And you’re mad because?” Ginny raised an eyebrow at him. “Isn’t that what you’ve wanted? For them to shag?”

“They lied to me! Those treacherous charlatans!”

“Technically, they didn’t,” Potter piped up.

“Don’t technically me, Potter!”

“Wait, what the hell is going on?” Weaselby mumbled, his mouth stuffed with eggs and toast. “Your father? And Hermione? What the hell?”

“Now I’m starting to understand why your relationship with Hermione never worked out,” Ginny sighed, exasperated. “How many times do I have to tell you to swallow your food before speaking!”

“Oy! That’s a low blow sis!”

Draco slammed his palm onto the table, nearly toppling the glasses over. “Can we go back to the topic at hand here? My father and Granger’s betrayal?”

“Malfoy, stop being such a drama queen,” Ginny rolled her eyes at him. “I’m also hurt that Hermione hid something like that from me but I understand where she’s coming from. I just wish she had saved me all that trouble of setting her up on dates when she was already shagging your dad six ways to Sunday.”

A collective groan could be heard from the men inside the room.

“Gin, when will you stop putting mental pictures of Hermione and Draco’s dad shagging inside my brain?” Potter groaned as he massaged his temples.

“I’m happy to provide a more realistic picture if you want. All we need is a Pensieve,” Draco deadpanned. The memory of seeing his classmate and his father rutting like animals was still fresh from his mind. “And after that, kindly obliviate my entire identity as well.”

“I think I need something stronger than tea today,” Weaselby said after swallowing a mouthful of bacon.

“I’ll get the firewhiskey,” Ginny stood and made her way to one of the kitchen cabinets. “Malfoy, why don’t you sit down? From your attire, I’d wager you didn’t get to eat breakfast yet.”

"What a valuable lesson I have learned today: trust nothing. Betrayal is forever,"** Draco said as he plopped down beside Weaselby.

The four of them were silently nursing each cup of tea spiked with firewhiskey (it was more like the other way around) when they heard the front door open then close. Draco felt everyone tensed altogether and soon felt himself turn beet red when Granger rounded the corner followed by his father.

“Hi,” Granger shyly greeted everyone.

“Hello, Hermione, Mr. Malfoy,” Ginny smiled at the two newcomers. “I’d offer you breakfast but it seems you two already ate.”

His father had the gall to look smug at the obvious innuendo while Granger turned a shade redder than Draco.

“It was delicious,” Lucius proudly declared, earning him an elbow on the rib by Granger.

"You promised me you'd behave," she admonished him.

There was an awkward silence that followed before Draco heard someone clear their throat. It was Potter.

“So, uh, you and Hermione?” the question was directed to Draco’s father. “How long?”

The couple both shared a look before turning to them. “Three years,” it was Granger who answered.

“THREE YEARS!” everyone shouted at the same time.

“Hermione Jean Granger, you and your boyfriend have some explaining to do!” Ginny shrieked. “How on Circe’s tight arse did you even manage to keep it a secret?”

Draco noticed Granger kept glancing at his father who only raised a brow in response. “He’s not actually my _boyfriend,_ ” she winced at the last word.

“Oh, so what? He’s your fuck buddy?” he shot back.

“He’s my fiancé,” Granger said matter-of-factly as she waved her right hand over her left one and the glamour disappeared, revealing a sparkling engagement ring on her fourth finger.

It was chaos after she dropped that bombshell. Everyone kept talking loudly over the other while fingers were pointed in every direction. When the commotion had died down, everyone just stared at the couple standing in front of them.

“In all seriousness, why did you two keep it a secret?” It was Ginny who spoke first.

“Isn’t this reason enough? All of your reactions right now are the reason why we kept it a secret,” Granger frowned at them. “When this relationship started, Lucius and I agreed to keep it between us first. We wanted it to be just us, without anyone judging or _interfering_ ,” she shot Draco a look. “We were planning on telling you but the opportunity just didn’t present itself. The Polyjuice potion was his idea, actually, and I thought it was ingenious. That way we could go out freely. The Prophet would only report him going out with random unknown women while all along it was only me. I want to see Rita Skeeter’s reaction when she finds out the truth.”

His father gave her that same fond look when he walked in on them shagging earlier this morning. “I think I felt an emotion,” Lucius said, chuckling when Hermione shot him a look.

“Damn,” Weaselby said. “You two sure know how to shock everyone.”

“So, when’s the wedding?” Ginny asked.

“We don’t know. Lucius had just proposed last night and as I said before, we’re not in a hurry to start a family yet so we haven’t planned anything.”

“Oh, wow, erm, congratulations, Hermione, Mr. Malfoy,” Potter awkwardly mumbled but then his voice eventually sounded clearer and louder. “I’m happy for you guys.”

“Well, I think there’s no need for our matchmaking plans anymore, is there?” Ginny said to Draco.

“What matchmaking plans?” Lucius narrowed his eyes at his son.

Draco wanted the grounds to open up and swallow him whole. He shot Ginny a scathing look before looking sheepishly between his father and Granger.

“Uhm, well you see. It all started two weeks ago…”

**Author's Note:**

> **I borrowed that line from one of Andrew Rousso's skit on YT. His Timmy persona was the inspiration behind Draco's character here.


End file.
